Green With Envy

I would say that our finger prints don't fade from the lives we've touched

( unknown)

  I have always felt that every person you meet in life has some ability to change who you are, for good or bad. With that being said what do you do if you cant decide if  they are changing it for the good or bad, If they make you happy or upset, or even if you like them or not.

  I have such a person in my life. She is someone I both; look up to and Hate, No not hate, Dislike. I want the best for her, but at the same time I want something bad to happen to her, UGH, I hate myself for even thinking that!!! Is it really possible to both dislike and love someone?

  I feel like such an awful person but yet I'm so relieved to say this out loud. Truthfully I'm jealous of her....even possibly envious. I want her to be friends with me but I feel, I need to get past these feelings before I can even attempt to create some kind of relationship at all.

  This week my focus will be on finding out why I have such feelings and maybe even possibly start taking steps to rid myself of this ugly person I've become. Hopefully by figuring out why I have these types of feeling will get me one step closer to figuring out who I am.