Losing contol

lately I've been feeling like I'm losing all control. My body weight is up to 135 and its killing me. I'm getting so fat! I'm at the point where I would do anything to lose this weight...all I want to be 120 lbs and skinny. In the last few weeks I have restricted, threw up (once), and I have taken laxatives almost every day. My husband and I have been talking about trying for another baby, I'm happy with that and I know that while I'm pregnant life and eating will be normal. something about growing a baby can really take away your eating disorder,  but I'm dreading having to lose the weight after the baby is here :(

It is a man's own mind, not his enemy or foe, that lures him to evil ways.  ~Buddha