Dealing with baby weight ( STRESS RAMBLING)

For me no news is good news. I tend to only fall back in to blogging when I'm falling backwards. As a promise to my counselor and to myself whenever i start feeling bad i turn to writing instead of obsessing over my weight.

We started trying for baby number two the first of may and by the 25 I was pregnant! Great right!! well two (or three things)

1.  I'm constantly afraid something I'm doing will hurt the baby....I have one internal mini break down almost every day freaking out about how whatever I did could ruin my baby forever. I feel like why would god give two perfect babies to me, I'm the last person on earth to deserve them. (yes I'm still taking all my meds and yes they are ok for the baby)
2. It hasn't been as easy dealing with the weight gain as it was with my first. I don't know if its because I know how hard I'll have to work to get it off or if its because of the "damage" my first did to my body But I know how important it is to stay healthy and wouldn't do ANYTHING to hurt my baby.
I know its really awful, but I love her more than anything...and  I'm luckily not many people see my belly.
At 130 pounds my weight has gone down since I found out I was pregnant (I AM NOT TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT) but my belly is getting bigger and my fear is that its to soon for my belly to start growing. Well really my fear is of getting fat *ugh*
I have fallen in to the same pattern of comparing my self to that one person (who doesn't even have the same body type I do) and seeing myself as bigger than her....it doesn't help that she had a baby not to long ago, And even though family and friends tell me I'm not as big as she is I just can't shake it... I mean with my first I gained so much weight and kept it on for so long. I just don't want to get to that place where I hate my body so much that I "starve" myself to "FEEL" happy, that now I'm stressing myself to make sure that it doesn't happen, and intern it is making me so obsessive over my body that I feel like I'm regressing.
I guess the truth and the end to my thoughtless ramblings is that I had hoped it would take us a while to get pregnant and that I would have some time to lose more weight....but God had a different idea. Now that I am pregnant I fear that after this baby is born I will go back to my bad habits to lose the baby weight.
 THANKFULLY I HAVE A SUPPORT TEAM TO HELP ME THROUGH THIS ALL AT THE END OF THE DAY!